Upcoming

   The Christmas season will be in full swing next week. Not that you have to tell that to the retailers, because they started two weeks before Halloween. I find myself this year starting from scratch and ready to decorate my first house. I've already been to several places and bought tons of ornaments, and my plan is that day after Thanksgiving, I will go pick out my tree and begin decorating. Christmas always brings back memories for me, memories from childhood and waiting for santa, memories of Holidays spent with family, friends, girlfriends, and even alone. I asked someone the other day what is the one thing they associate with me; the one thing that when they see it or hear it I automatically think of me. This person told me they couldn't think of one thing but several and at the top of that list was Christmas. This (even though they don't know it) made me smile. Christmas is a special time for me and the fact that I touched someone's life in a way that when they think of Christmas they think of memories they had with me touches me. I love my friends what can i say.
       Tonight, I'm going to my director's house from a show I did earlier in the year and watching the show with the cast. Normally this is done right after the show, but due to conflicts and so forth we're just now getting together. The cool thing about it is she's got a projector to show it on a huge screen. So it'll kind of be like watching myself on the big screen haha. I'm excited about it as it was probably my favorite show ever.
       Otherwise, my life is kind of quiet at the moment. That's something I welcome and yet feel strangely guilty for. I'm used to my life being organized chaos and the fact I have a little down time makes me feel bad. So to all those who don't have a free minute to themselves, just remember when you do have some time enjoy it cause guilt will eat you alive. I'd love to hear from some of you guys. I miss my buds. Till next time...

New beginning

     There is a post I read called BORED OLIVES. It's an interesting post, an email love story of sorts. Anyone interested should check it out, the gist however is boy meets girl boys falls for girl through horrible communication girl thinks boy isn't interested and sleeps with his friend. Girl regrets, boy flys off the handle, they become friends, boy starts dating roommate... The attraction is still evident... and that's kinda where I am now.  While it has a Harry met Sally feel to it at times, it just goes to show that all relationships are complicated. I have tried and failed miserably at several relationships. I'm always wondering if this is " the one" and when it turns out not to be I usually at least remain friends with the failed future Mrs. Huffstetler. I find the older I get however the harder this feat actually is.  I value friendships and I try and always be there for my friends. I don't ignore people, and as a general rule if for some reason I don't pull through on something or I can't contact you there is a good reason. So with that being said it makes it hard to let people go in my life.  I do however value my self worth. I think I deserve to be more than someone's fall back, or someone you can't make plans with because "you never know what else will come up". I don't like being the one who picks people up puts them on their feet only to have them leave me behind until they fall again. Only it seems that is my purpose in life. If I was getting paid as a psychiatrist, and it was a professional thing I was doing i'd be fine with it. But when I invest my time and energy into a friendship I hate to feel shafted. So I've stood up for myself. Usually I let things just go and accept my role. Lately however I'm feeling more important... I think that it's wrong to be discarded, used, and pulled off the shelf only when needed. I also think it's not right to have to fight to pull a conversation out of someone. Either you want to be my friend or you don't.  I've made mistakes, and I apologize for them, and for any wrong i've done, i'd love to face it and fix it, repair the things that need repairing; but I don't apologize for standing up and saying I deserve to be treated like a friend. I love everyone in my life in some way. I don't say those words a lot, and a lot of you hate that about me... but if I say it to you a lot it's because I mean it. Perhaps if we lived our lives thinking about others as opposed to trying to get our momentary moments of joy, our long term joy would exceed our own expectations. I hope and strive to be that kind of person.

Stick with what brought you here

This is a favorite football or wrestling analogy that I hear a lot, but I believe it applies heavily to daily life. A lot of times when a team goes to the super bowl, or the playoffs even, or in wrestling (and yes I know wrestling isn't "real" I used to wrestle for God's sake) when someone went to a championship match, the announcer will stay that a team needs to stick with what brought them there. The tendency is, if you're a team that likes to ground the ball out and you're playing a high scoring team you'll try and pick up your passing game so you can try to match scores with them.  When the fact of the matter is, if you pound the ball and make them stop you, keep their offense off the field so they can't get into a rhythm you're much better off...  In life it's much the same. We take for granted the things that are stable in our lives and work to hard on the things that don't really matter, and don't make us who we are. Why would a man who's happily married with children cheat on his wife? Sure now and then he may succeed in getting that short term goal but in the end, if he's caught, he loses the thing that's important to him.  Now by in no way am I stating that we should never try anything new. I think expanding and learning new things is an important part of our growth as individuals. I think as we enter in the time of year where we are supposed to give thanks, that for me personally and for I hope many of you, we stop and really think about our lives and the things we have to be thankful for. Think about the things that we have day in and day out. Things as simple as having an outlet to write is something I take for granted, but even more so are the friends that listen to what I say and genuinely care about me and the things I'm going through. We can't always get the things we want in life, but we should treasure the things we do have. So whether it be a loving wife, beautiful children, an endless supply of friends, or a simple notebook to jot down ideas, I hope by appreciating everything in life from big to small it will help us stick with what brought us here, and we can all win our "Super Bowls"