Reflection

  I'm not looking in a mirror of course, but this is the time of year when we take a look at the things that have gone on over the past 12 months and judge how good or bad the year was for us... At the end of last year i had a lot of hope, I thought this year was going to be the beginning of a new life for me, but it didn't turn out as i expected... imagine that... In the past year I stood by someone who i loved and who I thought needed me, only to find out that in the end I was only going to end up alone for 10 months out of the year. My cousin received a bone marrow transplant, that saved his life and he has now moved in with me and is a friend as well as roommate. I then tried a series of failed attempts at starting a relationship, all of which pointed me to the fact that I wasn't ready to move on or give up even on the person I was in love with from the start. I attended several weddings, saw a family member leave this world, saw a new life brought into this world. Did a show in which I feel like I've done the best acting i've ever done, and I did it in front of the one I loved so much, who had actually never seen a show, a full show at least, live with me in it. I kissed someone I've known for years, and who i thought at one time I may have something with, only to realize that we are only friends and that's all we'll ever be, once again more proof I wasn't ready to move on. I moved into a new house, a house I actually love being in, have room in... So all in all you would say it was a good year, but up until a few days ago, I still felt horrible about it. I still love very much that same person, a year later, and i guess it goes to show some things don't go away. But she talked to me, told me things I didn't know, she didn't give me false hope or tell me we were getting back together. But she told me she loved me and I know she meant it... Even though it may have been the love you have for your friends, any love that you can feel is genuine, touches you and helps you move past the times that seem darkest... And that's what I get out of my year I guess more than anything... Love. Love is such a hard word to describe or define. Love is so different to each of us but we all feel it. My friends who have listened to me, the helping hands when I made a few really really really bad mistakes this spring... the encouraging words of family. Love is abundant in my life, and I hope to give it back. Who wants to be Scrooge when you can be Santa. I may not have a "significant other" this Christmas, no one to hold tight trade gifts with or kiss under the mistletoe, but I do have a significant group of family and friends who i'm happy to share my time with, and that is the greatest reflection any man can see when he looks back at his year.